Friendship with Hungarians

How do foreigners view Hungarians with regard to relationships?

One foreigner said, “I tried to make deep friendships with Hungarians that speak English but it seemed I could only go so far. The Hungarians I tried to befriend were extremely polite and kind but it seemed hard to get to level of opening the soul. I noticed the difference when I started learning Hungarian. Not only did Hungarians appreciate that I would learn their language but they went out of their way to help me learn. I have a professional teacher but all the “amateur” teachers, those that help me as I study and try to speak Hungarian add as much to my difficult experience of learning Hungarian as the teacher I pay. “

“Hungarians love their language but they know how hard it is to learn. They seem to have an extraordinary sympathy with those of us who make the effort to learn it. This opens people up to me. What is amazing, is that they are so positive about the way I speak even though I speak so badly. I do not think Americans or the English are so sympathetic to foreigners who struggle with the language.”

One foreigner who speaks Hungarian noted this about the way Hungarians use their language. Every language has curse words, or as Hungarians call it, “ugly talk.” He said, “Hungarians are so creative with their curse words. There is almost an unlimited vocabulary of ugly talk. Even women use it freely and it seems totally justified if there is an emotional reason.”

Several foreigners noted that to Hungarians, friendships are something very precious. One of them noted, “Hungarians use the word ‘friend’ very carefully. They have words for several levels of relationships. Before someone is a friend, they have to pass through being an ‘acquaintance,’ (ismerős), or a ‘buddy’ (haver), before they are considered a ‘friend’ (barát). When someone is truly a friend the Hungarian considers it a lifetime relationship. To have a Hungarian friend is a great lifetime treasure.”

“When you are together with Hungarians they pay attention to you like you are the only person in the world. But they rarely call you. You have to make the contact to get together. But what hospitality! Whether at a public place or in their homes you are like royalty.”

He went on to say, “However, many Hungarians complain that since the change in the system from communist times people are too busy trying to make a living to give time and attention to friendships. The way people greet one another shows how well they know each other as well as how they feel to one another. Someone who you barely know, you give a formal, ‘good day’ while ‘heló’ is for someone you know a little better, and ‘szia’ is for those you know and feel comfortable with.”

A Romanian woman said that, “I am from Bucharest and I am amazed at how much more beautiful Budapest is than my city. I must also say that though Hungary has fewer resources than Romania they keep their country and cities up much better than they do in Romania. But I noticed one difference about friendships and hospitality. Hungarians in Hungary seem colder than Romanians or even Hungarians in Romania. In Romania if you come to someone’s home, no matter what time it is, they will happily invite you in and set the table for you. If you want to visit a Hungarian in Hungary, you must call first and arrange a time to visit.

Hungarian culture, friendship, relationships