What Makes Hungarians Laugh? Policemen Jokes in Hungary

When one looks into the soul of a nation it is not only important to look at what makes them sad, but also at what makes them laugh. One of the first signs that one is becoming fluent in a language is when one can hear and understand a joke in the new language and know why it is funny.

When it comes to politics it seems that Hungarians seem to find lots of humor though it seems more in irony and sarcasm rather than outright jokes. Like in every place, when people descend to the dishonorable side of humor, they will tell sex jokes, but this happens almost everywhere. Often people tell ethnic jokes, and there are some of those in Hungary as well. And Hungarians seem to have the ability to laugh at themselves even! The following is one favorite that shows how Hungarians feel about their national history and identity:

Once a rabbit in the forest opened up a WC for all of the animals. He promised them that he would play whatever music they enjoyed most and they would have the most pleasant experience of relieving themselves ever. The stag came and asked about it and the rabbit asked him, what music do you want to hear? He asked for classical music and when he finished he came out, thanked the rabbit, and said, “You were right, never have I enjoyed myself so much when relieving myself!” The fox came and asked about the WC. The rabbit asked, “What type of music do you want?” The fox asked for some lively Latin dance music and when he came out, he was cheerful and feeling so good. “Thank you Mr. Rabbit, that was the best time I ever had relieving myself!” The bear came next. The rabbit asked, “What music do you want?” The bear replied, “I’ll let you choose for me Mr. Rabbit.” A few minutes later the bear came out and had gone to the bathroom all over himself. He said to the rabbit, “Just because I asked you to choose the music does not mean you had to choose the Hungarian national Anthem!”

When I began learning the Hungarian language and people started telling me jokes, most of them were about the police. After looking further into this I discovered that in almost all of the former Communist countries people told more or as many jokes about the police as any other subject. In some of these countries (I DO NOT INCLUDE HUNGARY) the jokes were well deserved. For my own personal protection the names of these other neighboring countries will be withheld. In one of the other countries, the government put former criminals as policemen in parts of the country where there were ethnic minorities. In that circumstance it would be hard to believe that the purpose they worked for to was serve and protect. In other cases the police were so obviously and openly corrupt that law abiding citizens had to hide from the police and know any problems with the law had to be resolved with money, not justice.

In fact, in some of these countries one does not even always to tell jokes about the police, the true stories are even better. In one country a serious accident took place and people were thrown from their cars and scattered all over the road. The policeman and the doctor went to each one to see what could be done. The doctor looked at the first three and said, “He is dead, this one is dead, and once more, this one has died.” As he went on, one of those the doctor presumed was dead moaned and said, “Doctor, I’m not dead!” The policeman turned to him and said, “Shut up! The doctor knows better than you!”

In another case, the policeman stopped a Volkswagen beetle and asked to look in back, to see if there was any contraband. He opened the back end of the rear engine auto and he asked, “Where did you steal the motor from?”

In Cuba also there are as many jokes about the police as about any other subject. What is interesting is that many of them were the same jokes that were told in Hungary! It seems that the old network of communication that transmitted political ideology also passed on the same jokes.

I did hear one in Cuba however, that I never heard in Central or Eastern Europe:

A policeman waited on a corner and every time he saw a nice auto he stopped the car and fined the driver. A nice car drove by and the policeman stopped him. The policeman told the driver, “You have to pay the fine.” The driver said, “What did I do wrong?” The policeman got irritated and said, “You are a rich businessman, that is what you did!” The driver responded, “I am not a businessman.” The policeman got more irritated and responded, “Well then you have a good job!” The driver said, “No I do not. I am unemployed.” The policeman then asked, “That can not be! You have a beautiful car and nice clothes, what do you do for money?” Driver responded, “I make bets. And I will bet you $20 that I can bite my eyeball.” The policeman said, “That’s impossible! No one can bite his or her eyeball. So I bet you.” The driver pulled out his glass eye and bit it. The officer said, “Oh no! What do I do? I need the money! I have to buy shoes for my baby.” The driver said, “Yes, I understand. I will give you a chance to win it back. I will bet you another 20 dollars that I can bite my other eyeball.” The policeman said, “Now that is really impossible. If you drive you must be able to see, You can’t have two glass eyes, so I will bet you and win!” The driver pulled out his false teeth and bit his other eyeball with them.

Why did these jokes proliferate in the time of communism? Maybe they helped people laugh at a situation that they could do nothing about. People in authority were not always in their positions because they took pride in how they served their nation, but for their own personal interest. Those who served as policemen often represented the fact that their first service was to a foreign political ideology they were trapped in rather than to the people of their nation. When propaganda and slogans say one thing and the reality is another, humor is better than anger for daily survival. Of course there were many jokes about Communism as well.

Though the situation has changed some of the jokes remain. The Communists are gone so it is no fun to joke about them. Maybe the biggest Communist joke that remains is the Statue Park on Balatoni road.

New jokes have arrived from the outside and Hungarians seem to enjoy them. Since the change in system it seems that many women who colored their hair red under the old system have gone on to become blondes. Blonde jokes and lawyer jokes have come in and Hungarians tell them in their own form. One truly Hungarian blonde joke is the one mixed with a police joke. This will be the only police joke in this chapter:

The policeman stopped the blonde and asked for her identification. She bobbed her head, giggled and asked, “What’s that?” The policeman said, “You know, the one with your picture on it!” “Oh yes!” She said and pulled everything out of her purse until she found her mirror. “This is it!” The policeman took the mirror, looked in it intently, and said, “Oh, you are a colleague!” and gave the mirror back and let her go.

Hungarian humor, Hungarian jokes, policeman jokes