Restaurant Etiquette

Budapest etiquette when out at a restaurant with your Hungarian companion or companions.

Hungary, in the heart of Central Europe, retains numerous traditions and cultural expectations based on gender that may be different from our own. For the newcomer, as well as for many long-time expatriates in Budapest, these subtle expectations can be hard to spot, and are sometimes mysterious! Why, for example, do men enter a restaurant in front of their female companions, and yet are fastidious to leave behind them? You will make a positive impression by making an effort to learn a few of these expressions of politeness.

Entering a restaurant
A man will enter a restaurant before a woman in Budapest. If there is a group of men and women together, after the first man has entered, other men may then politely wait for the women to enter before he does. There are several explanations for this tradition, all of which include the role of the man in ensuring the “safety” and appropriateness of the establishment being entered. Women traditionally wore long dresses, and plenty of restaurants are located below street level – it would be most helpful to be caught if you tripped and fell forward! Another explanation is that once inside, the man is expected to speak with the maitre de to secure a table. Often men will offer to help their female companions with their coats before taking their own off, and in more formal situations they will also help with the chairs if the maitre de has not done so.

Ordering
When a man and a woman are dining together, wait staff in many restaurants will look to the man for ordering, asking for more service during the meal, and at the end of the meal to ask for the bill. The degree to which this is true increases depending on how elegant the restaurant is and any age difference between the two customers. While there can be any number of levels of complexities surrounding age differences, most simply the greater the age difference, the more the elder person is expected to take the lead role in ordering and asking for the bill. In groups of more than two, ordering becomes an individualized process.

Paying and leaving the restaurant
In Hungary, men are expected to pay the wait staff. This is true even in cases when the woman is paying for both parties, or the bill is being split evenly. In such cases, do not be surprised (if you are a man) when your female companion hands you her wallet under the table, an act performed in the name of discretion. Alternately, accounting is done after the wait staff has left. In larger groups, and in business settings again there are variations on this general rule usually by mutual agreement of all parties. When leaving the restaurant, the process of entering is reversed: a man will put on his own coat first, then help his female companion with her coat (so she doesn’t overheat), and then wait for her to exit the restaurant ahead of him – and into the fresh air first!

Andrew Bock, MS, LPC is an American mental health counselor in private practice in Budapest. His website is www.budapestcounseling.com

Budapest etiquette, restaurant, manners, politeness